I'm Only Going to Break Your Heart...

Recently I was sitting in the chapel looking at the Tabernacle, trying to have a quiet moment of prayer with God. I don’t know about you, but this is very difficult for me as it seems that every time I try to slow everything down and find a quiet moment, the noise in my head only gets louder. Stressors, things I need to get done, things I am worried about, songs stuck in my head…

So, as I am kneeling in front of Christ, trying to clear my mind, a song starts building momentum in my head. Every time I attempt to squash it, it comes back louder and louder, and soon is reverberating in my head.

“I’m only going to break break your, break break your HEART…”

I started to get so frustrated that I could not just concentrate. Thanks SO much Taio Cruz, I really appreciate the fact that your new song is catchy, but not so much the fact that I can’t get it out of my head when I am trying to pray!! As I sat there wrestling with that song, a light bulb went off. I started thinking more deeply about some of the lyrics of the song…

“There’s no point trying to hide it
No point trying to evade it
I know I got a problem…
Now I’m only going to break your heart
And shatter and splatter it all into little itty bitty pieces…”

I began thinking about Christ and His sacrifice. How he gave up his life for us, but if it had just been me, He would have done the same. How he was thinking of me as he walked Calvary, was nailed to the cross and slowly suffocated. How he was consumed by love… and here I am sitting in front of him for 5 minutes and thinking, “I am only going to break your heart.” How true those words actually were at that moment. How appropriate. I am only going to stumble and fall, sin, destroy the beauty that God has made for me with my own selfishness, and continue to torture Christ by condemning Him to death over and over and over again with my rejection, poor choices, and disrespect. AND YET, he continues to love us. He takes that chance. He lays down his life for us, a bunch of lowly heartbreakers, and makes our struggle for grace beautiful.

“Indeed only with difficulty does one die for a just person, though perhaps for a good person one might even find courage to die.
But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
~ Romans 5:7-8

That is the beauty of God’s love for us. That despite what we do, He still remains; loving, caring, never giving up.

After all the junk we have done, will do… If you were the only sinner in the world, Christ would still die for you.

A God that loves us THAT much… ludacris, huh?

The Mystery Continues Today

Ever wonder what it might have been like to walk in the time of Jesus?  Or perhaps the mystery of the Incarnation continues today as Christ lives through and within each of us.  Join Matt Maher as he reminds us of what it means to live in Christ Jesus...

Matt Maher - The Journey of Alive Again: Incarnation (2 of 4) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

The Ancient and the Present Unite

Perhaps this is a bit late, but here is a reflection on the opening moments of the Easter Vigil at Holy Family. As a note, the "young girl" mentioned in the reflection is a member of the Senior T.Y.M. group.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound[1]. John Newton’s ageless words reverberate against the walls of my subconscious while the notes of a prelude are played within the church. A fervor seems to impel those walking through the doors, eager yet waiting; waiting for hope, or perhaps for salvation. The sound of conversation echoes through the open doors just outside the sanctuary as those who have prepared for their initiation continue to prepare, some in prayer and others with anxious smiles. The night of nights has come, though fleeting as it always is, only to await the morning. Grace has come.

Through the doors I notice a young girl, clothed in a robe of blue. She smiles, as do I in turn, the song continuing, louder now. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.” Moments of pleasantries pass and I ask if she is ready. She simply smiles and my heart fills with joy, spilling briefly into my eyes. Behind me, the sound of water bubbling fills my ears. Months of learning and reflecting have passed and the answer she musters is a toothy smile. Like so many before her, she has been saved—is being saved.

As I walk passed wooden rows, I notice a family of faces, each with eyes transfixed upon a hanging man. In the serenity of the dark, he looks peaceful and yet, I wonder if two thousand years ago he knew peace. Perhaps peace was foregone for the sake of the lost. Thus, thoughts on the nature of peace fill my mind as my knees sink into the soft kneeler, my soul following suit into the void of prayer. “I once was lost, but now am found.” I question the nature of being found and wish I could be like Newton. Yet alas, either lost or found, I am one or the other depending on the day and the moment. My eyes are opened to the sound of the shepherd’s voice beckoning his flock to come outside. From darkness to darkness I move, blind yet progressing still.

A fire begins to roar and a candle is lit. I cannot help but follow it as it moves back into the sanctuary, fighting the dark with each flicker of rippling illumination. “Was blind but now I see.” I take notice of the candle in my hand, its wick not yet scorched by the Easter flame. As it is lit and I move to a pew, I notice another family, faceless in the blinding light of the Easter flame bouncing on my candle. Within my mind the song shifts, blazing past the stanzas of grace-infused reflection only to stop abruptly. “When we’ve been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun.” Light begins to spread as each candle is lit, only to turn and pass its glow to another. The same Eater flame that lit my candle continues to multiply until hundreds of Easter flames consume the darkness. An aura of thanksgiving fills the sanctuary as hearts and candles alike are set ablaze, granting each asylum from the shadows. “We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise then when we’d first begun.”

The silence is shattered as the deacon invites the congregate to invoke the blessing of God. Drawn into the deepest mysticism, the antiquity of the Exultet prose is amplified by the booming voice of their cantor. Through closed eyes, in some deep recess of my mind, I imagine a paradisaical place where even the sin of Adam is regarded as a necessary and happy fault. It is in that place I take solace, that even amidst my sinful humanity my fears of damnation might be relieved. My soul cries out in thanks for this “night truly blessed, when heaven is wedded to earth and we are reconciled to God![2]”

Before I extinguish my candle, I notice the wax rolling down the side, unwilling to let go as it clings with intensity like the prodigal son to the legs of his waiting father. No longer slender and tall, it is seemingly disfigured and blackened and can never return to the state in which it was. It has been reduced from its once well-crafted state to a new kind of perfection in which the flame, like a sculptor with a block of stone, chiseled it from mere wax to a state of unique completeness. It has been transformed, and I with it.

As the proclamation of God’s salvific love begins, I cannot help but smile. Like the young girl dressed in blue though anticipating white, I too await the moment when darkness turns to light and silence into song as salvation is fulfilled. The journey continues, both hers and mine, and it is into the twilight we trudge, with hope that in the coming dawn we might find the stone rolled away. I quench my Easter flame, yet my heart continues to burn. Grace has come, how sweet the sound.

---

[1]  John Newton, Amazing Grace, 1779.

[2] The Exultet, the Roman Rite of the Easter Vigil

The grace of God is truly an amazing thing... gifted to each of us freely, and by nothing that we have done or can do.  Praise God today for his love and mercy!

As always, more to come.  Hope everyone is having a great week, and we look forward to seeing all of you high schoolers tomorrow at Senior T.Y.M.!

The Meaning of Life

We often find ourselves looking toward the sky screaming, "Where are you?"  Matt Maher helps us to recognize that in the simplest interactions, God reveals himself to us in extraordinary ways.


Matt Maher - The Journey of Alive Again: Revelation (1 of 4) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

Do You Feel?

A great song with a great message.  Check it out!